Yesterday was my last therapy session with this guy I talk to once a week. I asked him to sum me up and he said "you refuse to believe that you were completley neglected and you need to work on not trying to be so independent from the people that love you."
i guess im gonna try and be totally vulnerable this year and see what happens. Also, it hit me while talkign to Kathleen that I will never live with my mother ever again and I felt like I got punched in the stomach. I miss her so much. I miss her braiding my long hair and us talking about things before bed. I miss her laying on the couch and me sitting in the space between her bent legs and the end of the cushions. I also never realized how fucking pretty she is. Her eyes are such a pretty blue green. I wish I looked more like her than my father. I hate my father's shitty black eyes. I hate that I have his mouth and his eyes and his skin.