once again...just need to point out how much i obsess over this blog...
it's fucking flawless/how i aim to live....
Leaving America in 48 hours. Dont forget about me world i'll be back soon!!
Today I studied this bad boy in the park for two hours before working on my study for four hours in the computer lab at school.
While studying I fed a little orangy birdie some of my apple by hand. It was a perfect moment. Nerdy saturday? Duh.
Im in love with the world right now. Never been better. Something bad will happen to fuck with me though, i'm sure, true life fashion for me.
July has been the greatest month of 2009. hands down.
Monday, July 20, 2009
So my mom has been struggling with issues of agoraphobia (agoraphobia is when you are like paralyzed with fear if you leave your house or go far from it) for the last few months. I've gone home alot to be there for her. Ever since i was little she was strong for me, so it was my time to be strong for her. After begging her to come to the movies with me and watching her literally tell me how much she hates herself because she couldnt bring herself to drive five minutes in the place she's lived her whole life, i knew this was a real problem. She had it during our worst times while i was growing up, it's kind of a product of never feeling safe with any dude she was ever with and her only feeling safe in our house (our most recent house a guy has never lived with me and my sister, it's kinda a family rule, even though she's in a healthy relationship right now he still isnt allowed to spend the night) it's just like that to keep a sort of reassuring safe zone for my sister now since she's the only one who lives there. SOOO. anyway she's been really messed up lately kind of out of nowhere since nothing bad has really happened, that's why i was so caught of guard with all of this new shit. But today, TODAY she had to drive to a seminar for her job as a teacher. We as a family have been preparing her for this for about four weeks. today she had to do it. and she did. i'm so proud of her, she said she had to pull over a bunch because she thought she was going to throw up but after calming herself down and calling me a few times, she totally did it. I'm so proud of her. She gets through tough things like it's her job and it truly is such an inspiration. I love her so much. She called me when she got there and i seriously cried while at work because I was so happy. She doesn't know that though because her worst fear is being a burden to me. But that's impossible because when she needs me im there and when i need her she's right by my side.
I've been working incessantly and tryign to make as much $$$possible for when I go to europe. it hasnt hit me yet that i'm going on my very first plane trip or seeing a different part of the world. I'm really happy with the way things are right now. I'm still always tired and always going going going going. Applying to grad school is the most stressful thing that's happened to me in the last 3 years, easily.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Diamond city, philly, and nyc showed me so much love the last two weeks I can't even describe it. Jumped off cliffs at steps falls with wb friends and long island friends, saw title fight in a garage during a rainstorm, got milkshakes with katie, ate the greatest cheeseburger of my life with slaby, tons of drives, art shows, sat on my porch and girltalked with Jesse, ate a chilli dog for the first time (four of them), drank lionshead (alot). Pulled two all nighters while slaby and brendan were here in order to do brendans last week on the east coast in style. literally hallucinated at work several times from said 48 hours with no sleep... Ive never loved philly so much or wilkes-barre. New york is still my favorite but I've got so much to look forward to when it comes to july and august. Time to unpack my clean laundry and get caught up on things here. Im nervous my study wont have significant results because of the huge RANGE of ages of my participants, moment of truth comes this week. fingers crossed. I need advice from people that have been on planes...any little tips or things i should know like how early to get to the airport, what i'm definitely not allowed to bring wth me? what about luggage? and do i get food? So much UNKNOWWWWN.
I"m going to get a burrito down the block and make a to do list and a "to pack" list. I would like some alone time this week since i've been surrounded by people pretty much for the last 15 days. These people are all wonderful, all of them, and they have made July an amazing month but i'm working 7 days in a row this week and then seeing underdog in jersey on the 24th then shipping out and I have some thangs to take care of.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head, they can almost fly into you, but then you look at them and see that they're beautiful
Today I missed snow for half a second
Tomorrow I sit at school for at least 4 hours doing work then cleaning my entire apartment
Thursday is the Mixed Greens art exhibit in Chelsea
Friday I return to the place where I grew up
One more thing left to add to my half sleave...
In two weeks I leave for Europe
I dont even know how to update about my life anymore, I feel like 97% of it is in my head.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
was home for the last few days. My mom is a mess and I feel helpless because I usually can make her better and right now I cant. Surprisingly the fourth of July has been incredibly amazing. Its been me, Jesse, Brendan, and Slaby for the last few days (along with perfect hangouts with Katie at lake Jean) and it was such a great crew. Sweet Treet every morning for breakfast, I've been getting tons of sleep and I forgot what it was like not to work my life away everday. It's really fucking nice. For the first time in three years Wilkes-Barre felt like home and today I head back to the NYC to get tattood and continue on with the work week. Gonna enroll in a GRE preporatory class and start making TO DO lists on my busride back. I can't believe at the end of the month I'm leaving the country with one of my best friends to visit our third muskateer currently posted up in Scotland. I'm gonna be broke in August and it's finally stopped raining. My friends mean the world to me.