Monday, December 21, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I wanted to do this recap for my own memory benefit, I'm doing it now since I'm gonna be a busy lady with Kelsey + Danielle visiting to do christmasy-stuff, then one last final, then heading to Wb for a week.
I thought of all the bad things fom 2009, and then I decided I won't mention them because I'm trying to focus on the good right? ha. okay So the great moments of 2009:
Starting off in January!!!!!
-Very First boxing class. - Speaking to 3 men on death row over the phone in a covert interview process conducted through Pace University, being exposed to mad facts about the death penalty. -There was this moment where Lily was meeting me in Manhattan and she had just been traveling from Philly, and when I got off the train underground to transfer I knew with every cell in my body I would run into her on the transfer train's platform, I remember walking down the stairs and looking down the whole tunnel to see if I could see her and there she was and I literally sprinted to her all the way at the end. I haven't had an intuition feeling like that since, I just knew she'd be standing there. - Started my half sleeve. - Got IRB governmental approval for my study on the first try. That application is like 30 pages long!! - Took a three hour train along the hudson river to visit Lindsey in upstate NY, made breakfast with her every morning, sang Saves The Day songs in her bedroom as if we were 15 again. - Saw Alkaline Trio!!! - Walked around the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens all day with reen and kimmy, realized I want to get married there. - Me and Kathleen went to celebrate Sagen's birthday at Eldridge and we got to party with Mariah Carey and see her sit 6 feet away from us singing along to her own songs the DJ was playing. - Seeing Title Fight play in a garage duing a thunderstorm. - John Slaby, going to a lame graduation party and having him randomly be there, and us hanging out for a whole week straight after that, not sleeping for that entire week, having my first camping trip at Lake Jean, Coney Island, Brooklyn Aquarium, him taking me to my first pro baseball game, us eating hot dogs, his art shows, camping in an art gallery in Baltimore, him taking care of me after that horrendous burn, playing catch and basketball at Hamilton park, falling insanely in love with him. -Scotland, Scotland, Scotland, my first plane ride. Defending America, drinking REAL whiskey, Scottish breakfasts, sitting at the top of a tiny mountain in the center of the capital city with Lindsey and Jeppy. Learning that I really only care about places because of the people in them. - Steps Falls jumping off of cliffs with WB kids and LI boyz. - Meeting purely wonderful girls and getting to know them: Katie, Danielle, Kels, etc.- Hanging with Bobby some while he lived in NYC, Him getting published in the NY Times. - Eating BBQ with Laura and walking around in a downpour - Nude beach trip with dogpound dudes BFF Jaycox. - Turning 22, seeing the museum of natural history. - Finishing applying to Graduate School.
This year can be summed up with a few of the following songs:
"The show is over, the audience get up to leave their seats, time to collect their coats and go home. They turn around, no more coats and no more home."
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I wanted to initially stay away from this book because it's some book Oprah recommends and it was reviewed as being a more grown up version of Lord of the Flies. Everyone should read this. I've had it for a little over a day (during finals even) and I'm almost done. It's about the world and a father and son traveling post-apocalyptic Earth, but it's not a week after, it's years and years after when the soil doesn't grow anything and people have formed primitive tribes that are cannibalistic. Even though I'm realllllllyyyy enjoying this book it reminds me about the scariest aspect of psychology. When people find out I major in psychology they think i'm constantly terrified of all of the diseases I'm learning about because welll...sometimes it makes you paranoid you have EVERYTHING, but the scariest thing that I have learned in psychology is that human beings are capable of terrible things, I'm talking, horrible, unimaginable THINGS. This book basically illustrates that catastrophe and desperation can drive people to lose all humanity. Humanity is not natural, in fact survival of the fittest turns the most humane individuals into animals and savages. Everyone has experienced this. Everyone has experienced looking at someone and seeing so much in them, so much infrahumanization, but moments later they are cold and abusive and that is the point when they are capable of anything. And that is what scares me most of all. I think this is why I don't really judge people when they are at their best, however when they are at their worst.
I can't wait to make a mental list of the bests and worsts of 2009. It's gonna be a doozy of a list.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Everyone read this article concerning 12 ideas that are shocking but could change the world; particularly the section about Purging the prisons, and ending medical privacy. Am I some sort of radical because I've believed most of these things should actually materialize in the near future?
this is one of the most interesting articles I've read in a very long time, it concerns so many feilds, and subfeilds.
John is so sick I seriously think he's dying. All of his symptoms remind me of when I was hospitalized for MONO for 5 days a few years back. If he has mono it'd explain why I'm feeling fine; because I've already had it and am immune, even after sharing all of his foods/bed/drinks/spits.
what I do have is the ugly disease? hahah!! look at this hideous picture of me...
taken by Keith Garcia, at his spot with the cutest leetle pup while we were over watching that boxing match I mentioned a few posts back.
Monday, December 7, 2009
I love you as a sheriff searches for a walnut
That will solve a murder case unsolved for years
Because the murderer left it in the snow beside a window
Through which he saw her head, connecting with
Her shoulders by a neck, and laid a red
Roof in her heart. For this we live a thousand years;
For this we love, and we live because we love, we are not
Inside a bottle, thank goodness. I love you as a
Kid searches for a goat; I am crazier than shirttails
In the wind, when you're near, a wind that blows from
The big blue sea, so shiny so deep and so unlike us;
I think I am bicycling across an Africa of green and white fields
Always, to be near you, even in my heart
When I'm awake, which swims, and also that I believe that you
Are trustworthy as the sidewalk which leads me to
The place where I think of you, a new
Harmony of thoughts. I love you as the sunlight leads the prow
Of a ship which sails from Hartford to Miami, and I love you
Best at dawn, when even before I am awake the sun
Receives me in the questions which you always pose.
- Kenneth Koch
The Boiling Water
Moments might be serious. It is
serious, in such windy weather,
to be a sail
Or an open window, or a feather
flying in the street...
Seriousness, how often I have
thought of seriousness
And how little I have understood
it, except this: serious is urgent
And it has to do with change. You
say to the water,
It's not necessary to boil now,
and you turn it off. It stops
Fidgeting. And starts to cool. You
put your hand in it
And say, The water isn't serious
any more. It has the potential,
However—that urgency to give
off bubbles, to
Change itself to steam. And the
When it becomes part of a
hurricane, blowing up the
And the sand dunes can't keep it
Fainting is one sign of
seriousness, crying is another.
Shuddering all over is another
A serious moment for the
telephone is when it rings.
And a person answers, it is
Angelica, or is it you.
A serious moment for the fly is
when its wings
Are moving, and a serious
moment for the duck
Is when it swims, when it first
touches water, then spreads
Its smile upon the water...
A serious moment for the match
is when it burst into flame...
Serious for me that I met you, and
serious for you
That you met me, and that we do
If we will ever be close to anyone
again. Serious the recognition
of the probability
That we will, although time
stretches terribly in
- Kenneth Koch
I need to go Christmas shopping.
Steady listening to Nas and Ryan Adams.
I need some new Air Maxs
My "To Do" list is getting shorter
Those two poems are it for me right now.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I'm offically finished applying to graduate school. five months, 7 schools, 3 government standardized tests, and the grand total (I actually added it all up...) is a whopping $1,110 dollars. It sort of makes me sick. I'm really proud of my planning skills that were crucial in order for me to make it so I could AFFORD this...I stopped all spending that wasn't purely food or books or transportation. I couldn't even buy a beer in the last five months without feeling guilty for taking away from my own college fund. For anyone that says you can't do shit because you're poor and your parents don't financially support you, I spit in all of your faces.
Now I'm going to go eat the pint of Ben & Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk icecream I bought myself, eating the entire thing....
Monday, November 30, 2009
All I want is to watch UP in my bed wrapped up like a burrito in fifty blankets with my dog.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Every monday night is me getting into a debate with my criminal justice professor who is one of the heads of the NYPD. Everything he says I disagree with and its baffling, depressing, and infuriating that all of the criminal justice majors in that class with me (its only my minor) are on the side of law enforcement instead of the defending the actual "justice" part of the system. I'm learning so much insider bullshit on the way cops are allowed to lie, manipulate, and profile people. I'm alone in that class fighting for what the constitutional law is supposed to do, and that is protect the people from the government, not the other way around. My professor sent out this email after a heated arguement we got in about pretext stops (pretext stops are when a cop can follow you bc he "thinks" you're going to do something bad, and he will follow you until you do the tiniest traffic violation and pull you over) its a TOTAL abuse of power and labels someone a criminal before they even commit a crime. Once again I feel alone in fighting for people that society immediately judges as "bad" and less than deserving of basic rights and general fairness with the law. I hate the law, is this how it's going to be my whole career? Am I going to be surrounded by people that are power obsessed and forget that criminals are human beings? MAD!!!! THIS IS THE EMAIL::::
"I was thinking about last night’s class and specifically NicoleAshton’s objection to pretext stops and their use by an undercover police investigator to identify someone who may (or may not) be involved in criminal activity. I was wondering if Ms. Ashton’s objection was the inconvenience caused to the individual by the stop or thefact that a record may be made in police controlled databases of the individual’s identity as a result of the stop.
I’d like to hear all of your views on that thought in nextweek’s class.
Prof. Rob Messner"
Dude was NOT listening because my objection to the to the pretext stop was neither of those reasons....
anyway. Everything else is coming together.
Also: my burn is healing. Today I washed my hair without help for the first time in a week and a half!! Kathleen and Kim painted the living room and hall way, isnt it beautiful??!!!
my palm is still fucked up but omgod i can move my hand!! HEALING IS MIRACULOUSSSSS
Everything is sooo good. Time to have a margarita with Kathleen. Havent done something like that in so long. School is taking over my life. I'm so thankful for it though.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I feel like whenever i'm on roll of good luck or good fortune, something always happens to remind me that challenges are always lurking, and that I shouldnt ever think it will ever be easy. This week I was forced to rely on people because of an injury and while I hate it more than anything, it was nice to know that being taken care of can actually be really nice. Its funny to see how much you really do with both hands: pulling up your pants, putting your hair in a pony tail, etc...
for now I'm one handed. In a fair amount of pain. and probably have some gnarly scars in my future.
I took my fucked up hand with me to Johns latest art show, It was a three person show and it was gorgeous. John sold over $2300 in artwork...which included one of my favorites and i'm sorta sad I wont see it anymore. but yay on the success!!!
John washed my hair in his big bathtub this weekend. He got soap in my eyes and couldnt get over how heavy my hair was when its wet but it was the best. He has the hugest hands Ive ever seen but he still cleaned my wounds so carefully with tiny Q-tips.
Ill be thankful when its Thanksgiving and I;m eating turkey with my mom and sister, and when i can bend my hand. Cant wait to become social again when i'm done applying.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Oh my god this song....me and lindsey being 16 singing this soo intensely.
I'm scheduling for my last semester as an undergraduate student this week. THANK GODDDDD. Dats it!!! Bye Pace University, thanks for giving me a full ride for four years, time to do something greater.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I wish I was there again somedays. Not because of the particular place. But I miss the breakfasts everyday in a row with Lindsey and Jess, it felt like the most familiar thing in a new place to be glued to their sides again like when we were growing up.
Recieved three A's in a row on two papers and a midterm for my super fucking annoying women's study class.
Thought wayyyy too much about the future
Had several meetings perfecting my personal statement for my grad school aps with my thesis advisor.
Babysat my favorite baby, Sasha and pretty much taught her how to say bird sounds.
Read through my ENTIRE study guide for the Psychology subject test GRE.
Ate soup mon-thurs for virtually all my meals because I was craving it ravenously.
Found out I lost like over five pounds in the last 2 months. I always lose weight when winter comes.
Alot of my hair is also falling out. Does anyone know any ways to make this stop?
Had the best weekend with John before the next two weeks of intense deadlines of work/things due begins. On thursday after work he picked me up from the bus and we immediately got pizza/wings/beer and went home and layed on the couch and watched the baseball game because he's a phillies fan and I'm a Yankees HATER so that was a great situation.
In the morning we went shopping/thrifting and John found a virtually complete hiking backpack outside of a salvation army even equipped with a sleeping bag and it's a little big for me but when it gets warm and we go camping now we both have packs. I had a few good finds and bought a cute new winter coat in West Chester for fifteen bucks and John bought me probably the most expensive shirt I've ever owned for my birthday from JCrew that I can wear on my grad school interviews, I'm terrified to wear it and stain it.
I got sort of a nasty cold this weekend, and paid off my past due medical bill once and for all, I hate that I paid hundreds of dollars to a shitty hospital visit bill from two years ago, especially when they misdiagnosed me. Whatever, now they can stop calling me.
I've got the song "merry happy" by Kate Nash on repeat today for some reason. She's kinda frumpy but the song rules.
I don't like any particular place that much anymore, I like times of the week, times of the day most.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I saw a doggie costume parade while me and John walked through Tompkins Square Park.
Went to Queens to P.S. 1 and meandered around some art shows. I heard from everyone I needed to hear from, even my father got it right this year. 22 will be a crazy year, but I feel it will be good. Also, we went to the Museum of Natural History and I saw a zillion cool things, even though the Giant Whale exhibition was closed. While walking towards the museum John and greg found books being thrown away, John opened up a book and in it was a terot card, I looked up what it meant and basically it means that good things are coming your way, and babies....? LOL.
Basic Terot Meaning:
"Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way. It's one of those days when it all goes right. Just right. The money you were waiting for arrives and a bonus has been added, the project you've been working on comes out perfectly and you get all the credit. Traffic lights turn green for you, liars come clean and apologize, the garden blooms, the sky is blue, the weather is warm and sweet. As the song goes, "Here comes the Sun...." and absolutely everything is going to be all right. A most welcome babe will soon be on the way. Likely a boy, or twins"
I cant wait to see Lindsey and Jep over thanksgiving break and hang with my family.
Today I'm catching up on so much work since this weekend I had a vacation from school thangs. I got another gardosil vaccination and I'm currently having an allergic reaction to it. I have bad luck. This was the best birthday I've had in a while. John even fixed my bathtub! People were buying me so many drinks for my bday that I had to share them with the bartenders. It rained so much but it didn't ruin anything. Chili dogs from Papaya dog is a must birthday dinner as well. I think me kim and kathleen are gonna celebrate my bday just us girls this week by cooking a mini thanksgiving dinner. It's almost November and in the first week I'm taking two different GRE tests, both are four hours long. I hope I don't pull my hair out.
Don't have the energy to figure out why people are being bitchy or moody. It's time to grow up.
My mother's birthday cards always make me cry. I'm so lucky to have come from her, she's so quiet sometimes, but she's always strong and sure of who she is, not many people can say that about themselves.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day.
Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch
And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones.
And, vaster,some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.--
Even losing you (the joking voice, a gestureI love) I shan't have lied.
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground!
I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go
Monday, October 19, 2009