Sunday, June 28, 2009

Smooth Criminal

This is why I love my neighborhood/neighbors...
a dude that lives on my block was selling them to all of us for 3 dollars.....

All celebrities should sleep with one eye open watching out for the grim reeper
I booked my flight to Europe
tomorrow I'm leaving nyc for six days. peace out.

good jam....

I always learn more from people in their absence from my life, than while they're present.

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Stranger

She was waiting at the station
He was getting off the train
He didnt have a ticket so he had to bum through the barriers again.
Well the ticket inspector saw him rushing through
He said "girl you don't know how much I missed you but We'd better run cos'
I havent got the funds to pay this fine."
She said "fine."
Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a bus
With two of yesterdays travel cards and two bottles of
Bud, And he said "you look well nice."
Well she was wearing a skirt
And he thought she looked nice
And yeah, she didnt really care about anything else
Because she only wanted him to think that she looked nice,
And he did. But he was looking at her, yeah all funny in the eye.
She said "come on boy tell me what your thinking,
Now dont be shy."
He said alright, "I'll try.
All the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the trees,
All the broken bits that make you jump up and grassy bits in between.
All the matter in the world is how much I like you."
She said "what?"
He said "let me try and explain again.
"Right, birds can fly so high, or they can shit on your head, Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared. But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful, That's how i feel about you. Right birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head, Yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared. But when you look at them, and you see that they're beautiful, That's how i feel about you. Yeah thats how i feel about you."
She said "what?" He said "you."


i got a sunburn in chunks. I saw the botanical gardens and laid in the grass with my best friends. I decided that it's where i want to get married whenever that happens. I saw a tiger butterfly and a black princess lily and was in the desert and then coney island, I look fat in my passport photo, my room is messy and theres sand in my air max's, Scotland next month. 6 day vacation with Sean this week. Wb luv. OH and I celebrated Sagen's birfday and ten feet away was Mariah Carey on the arm of her hubby Nick Cannon Dj-ing.dream come true. What an insane week.

I went to another psychic, it's mostly for entertainment....She said I'll live incredibly long among a bunch of creepily accurate things...

Columbia only accepts 9 students into it's Psychology doctoral program a year. But if I manage to get accepted I get a free 5 year education and $16,000 a year to live. It's basically like winning the lottery. How is it almost July? I feel like it was April last week.

Here's some bullshit:

Some oldies and some goodies.
huge picture update soon..

Friday, June 19, 2009

No good for no one.

teenie weenie little wishlist. the polo dress...MMMMF.

today for breakfast I made myself chocolate chip granola pancakes, apples with peanut butter, two english muffins with butter and cinnamon, and made fresh squeezed grapefruit juice. breakfast of the gods.
I didnt leave my house today. Been reading, laying, thinking.
Tomorow i'm gonna go to the 39th st. market with laura. or by myself. whichever.
Please be sunny

Thursday, June 18, 2009

and again when you're head goes through the windsheild

I can't believe it's the middle of JUNE.

I got a call from my cousin Jess a few days ago letting me know she was in the city. Her father is my father's brother. They are the same person: in and out of jail/bouts with alcoholism/horrible to both of our mothers in front of our face etc... I havent seen jess since she was about five and i was 8. She walked into my house and it was alarming how similar we were. our fears, our weird obessesion with control to feel safe, our issues with relationships/dudes. It kinda was like i was looking at my 18 year old self. It sorta freaked me out in a way.

anyway. i've been really confused with where i stand with things lately. I'm kinda bugging out about my future. the study is going on schedule and going very well. My job is going well and my boss informed me that she is giving me a semi-paid vacation this summer while i go to europe to hang with Lindsey and Jeppy bff style. My tattoo is continuing July 5th. I'll be in WB around the 1st. I miss my sister. I went to the doctors the other day because I took a shower and absurd amounts of my hair was falling out in the process. So much is running through my head. I totally understand when people arent sure of themselves. I never got it before, but now I do. The last 12 months of my life were honestly some of the most wasted time friend wise and boy wise and in the words of alkaline trio, I wish i could erase it all.

We'll see what happens when i get the bloodwork.

I want to go to the beach.

today a myself and a few dudes i hang out with in ny were sitting at a diner and the one dude said to me "you're probably one of my favorite people i've met in nyc because you can't hide anything, even your facial expressions tell me what you're thinking, it's so nice to be around someone and not have to guess"

this was after i called the girl he was hooking up with a "fucking dumb spacey cunt"

I need to run away. I can't I need to face things.
Sleeping in tomorrow for the first time in weeks. a big breakfast is in order

also, to be entertained thoroughly please read
Desire from the brownbabies (of the ghetto chic girl gang i have been obsessed with and would dream to be in since i was about 15) its her blog. and it fucking rules.

ive been listening to Brand New and Bun B for the whole week. woop woop

Saturday, June 13, 2009

best friends forever. burn infinite

I missed you today. I know it'll never be the same. I'm still mourning the loss of you and you don't get that. It shouldnt mean so much but it still hurts. it's hard to look back at everything and feel totally replaceable to someone that made you feel like you could stand together and face the world no matter what. I guess it's still true that people will let you down and i conviced myself you were above that. No one is invincible to pain. I want to make myself invincible. I try everyday.

The title fight set was amazing at the PIB show. fuckign insane. so nice once again to see friends from wb. good chats all around. i keep listening to symmetry on repeat. lolz. I feel like i'm in summer school with how hard i'm working on this study. I guess learning never really ends lolz again.

a crowded and empty room.
sums it up right now.

So in boxing I moved to this place called KINGSWAY boxing. I think i'm gonna circle yes when it asks onthe sign up sheet if i want to train for competitive fighting. I think i'm ready for some serious brawling. Time to keep score.

Monday, June 8, 2009

you're miserable because you choose to be.

I'm going to Scotland this summer, for probably like ten days.
i feel old.
so many shows in the past few days.
seeing rzl dzl imediately brought back memories of seeing them 4 years ago, it's so funny how bands make me feel homesick, even when they arent from my hometown.
i miss my family.
my boobs got bigger i think
i'm not thinking clearly and it took me 4 subway transfers to get home. so weird
sometimes i want to move to a deserted island and sit there till i die and have my life mean absolutely nothing, and feel comforted in the fact that it doesnt matter who cares about me, who i dont care about, or what i do or think because after i die, that's it and it all means nothing.

Going to scotland with my two oldest friends should be a dream though. just us and an experience. the way it used to be. Me and jess taking a plane for both of our first time's together. i'll probablly be drunk and covering my eyes and she'll probably be looking at the ground holding my hand. i've never been anywhere but the east coast. I hope i don't fall in love with euroland or anything. i just plan on eating tons of food and hopefully finding a beach. no shopping allowed.

saw alot of people i havent seen in a while this weekend. shit throws me through a loop.

time to pay my electric bill.

i got a new shert....

this is how i feel lately.

blah balhahflaksfjalsfj

i fucking miss kathleen so much. everyday. she's the best.