Thursday, June 18, 2009

and again when you're head goes through the windsheild

I can't believe it's the middle of JUNE.

I got a call from my cousin Jess a few days ago letting me know she was in the city. Her father is my father's brother. They are the same person: in and out of jail/bouts with alcoholism/horrible to both of our mothers in front of our face etc... I havent seen jess since she was about five and i was 8. She walked into my house and it was alarming how similar we were. our fears, our weird obessesion with control to feel safe, our issues with relationships/dudes. It kinda was like i was looking at my 18 year old self. It sorta freaked me out in a way.

anyway. i've been really confused with where i stand with things lately. I'm kinda bugging out about my future. the study is going on schedule and going very well. My job is going well and my boss informed me that she is giving me a semi-paid vacation this summer while i go to europe to hang with Lindsey and Jeppy bff style. My tattoo is continuing July 5th. I'll be in WB around the 1st. I miss my sister. I went to the doctors the other day because I took a shower and absurd amounts of my hair was falling out in the process. So much is running through my head. I totally understand when people arent sure of themselves. I never got it before, but now I do. The last 12 months of my life were honestly some of the most wasted time friend wise and boy wise and in the words of alkaline trio, I wish i could erase it all.

We'll see what happens when i get the bloodwork.

I want to go to the beach.

today a myself and a few dudes i hang out with in ny were sitting at a diner and the one dude said to me "you're probably one of my favorite people i've met in nyc because you can't hide anything, even your facial expressions tell me what you're thinking, it's so nice to be around someone and not have to guess"

this was after i called the girl he was hooking up with a "fucking dumb spacey cunt"

I need to run away. I can't I need to face things.
Sleeping in tomorrow for the first time in weeks. a big breakfast is in order

also, to be entertained thoroughly please read
Desire from the brownbabies (of the ghetto chic girl gang i have been obsessed with and would dream to be in since i was about 15) its her blog. and it fucking rules.

ive been listening to Brand New and Bun B for the whole week. woop woop

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