One sidewalk May hide another, as when you're asleep there, and One song hide another song; a pounding upstairs Hide the beating of drums. One friend may hide another, you sit at the foot of a tree With one and when you get up to leave there is another Whom you'd have preferred to talk to all along. One teacher, One doctor, one ecstasy, one illness, one woman, one man May hide another. Pause to let the first one pass. You think, Now it is safe to cross and you are hit by the next one. It can be important To have waited at least a moment to see what was already there.
I chopped down the house that you had been saving to live in next summer. I am sorry, but it was morning, and I had nothing to do
Two rings on one finger, bare feet are the best feet. The last 24 hours have really slowed me down in my tracks. Its funny to see myself in moments when I'm totally speechless, when a situation overcomes me and the occurence of the event freezes my thinking. I remember when I spent a year like that, yesterday was different, it was the type of thing that was fast and made me feel the feeling you get when you forget to chew enough and you swallow too much and you choke for 2 1/2 seconds and for one of those seconds you're conviced you'll never breathe again.
I started my job. I've worked tons and it feels amazing. It's already mid-June. I hate north philadelphia and frankly, my current living situation is really annoying so I've been hiding out with my best friend and will probably couch surf/john's room surf for the next month. I kind of am mentally exhausted and in brooklyn withdrawl. It's strange to live here, I haven't fully adjusted. I love being close to so many good friends and John and I got my bike fixed and we went for a ride and he took me on the bike path by the river and it was perfect. Recently I've been in a strange mood. It's hard to articulate it. I'm excited to spend the whole weekend in wilkes-barre for an outdoor wedding. Lots of romper wearing and laziness after working all day for the last four days. I sort of need to catch my breath but I'm not sure why. I feel like I'm never alone anymore and that sort of overwhelms me. I was alone basically 85% of my days in NYC and moving again in a month is annoying. I hate feeling restless and reliant on things and people. My body is sore, I think it's because I experience stress physically since I constantly deny myself of reacting mentally to it.
At my wedding I don't want normal flowers, I want cacti, blooming cacti, short cacti, and tall cacti. The cactus is so underrated as a plant, it endures anything, it rarely needs anything from the person that owns it (just needs to be thought of once a week or less), and if you're lucky, it will bloom one huge flower for you. It doesn't waste it's time with a zillion little flowers. Just one or two big ones, bright, and they bloom in the desert, where flourishing life is almost impossible. I gave John a cactus the first month we were dating. It's little and in the kitchen and I named it "dusty." I think I want to identify with a cactus.
I also like cacti because they defend themselves in such a deadly, aggressive way, but only if you touch them. They sit still until they need to.
Sans Jeppy and Lindsey, last night really made me feel at home here. It's a good feeling that usually comes with people instead of the real place, I've been spending alot of time alone in my room to conserve money and it also makes me feel like if I stare at something long enough (my new bedroom) it will feel like mine and that it's here to stay (even though things are rarely here to stay). It's nice to feel supported and so welcomed and it's so nice that John can bike to my house at 3 am when I'm laying in bed and can't sleep.