This weekend I escaped to a NATURE WONDERLAND with Lindsey, totally what I needed to clear my thoughts. The air was amazing, laying like in grass in the sun wearing a sundress drinking screwdrivers. We made breakfast infinity times. walked through an actual foot of mud got my jordans stuck in da muds. the train ride was beautiful, on the way home everything was fog over the hudson river and it was fucking gorgeous. I love lindsey, 11 year friendships.Still the same amazing best friend that brought a donut and a hot cocoa to my house when i called her sobbing about my family and left it on my porch as a surprise.
Keep listenign to saves the day, putting me in such a good mood. I love my mom. I have the greatest friends. Kathleen collected a bunch of teeny sea shells from florida for me. Stole an ill book called "US COOKBOOK" it's a smal collection of serial killer profiles and it lists what their last meals were on death row, it's amazing, i'll scan some in tomorrow maybe and show you some of the guys, one picked just an ICECREAM CONE. Comon' summer, you know you want to show your face soon...
Things that are good:
+going upsate this weekend
+ Tattoo scheduel set, completion date MAY 2ND. AFTER 3 SESSIONS OW.
+Kathleen coming homeeee.
+getting a $600 check this week from working every minute. making that guap.
+Quicksand's cover of "How Soon is Now"
+currently reading "THE WALL" by Hersey, so gooood.
+Punching bags, all sizes. New ring being built at the boxing gym.
+we just gotta take our time
Things that are bad:
-the entire month of May
-it's shitty cold outside
-my feets smell
I'm really happy. Nothing really matters in the long run. I just want to make my mom proud and live good, help change the prison system, and keep being choosey about who I let in my life, I like getting to know tons of people, it's a fun thing to do, but people that I really want around for the "know you like the back of my hand" moments? not too many make the cut.
Sometimes, I wish I had someone that I knew could just take care of me if I do some stupid young adult thing and need to get bailed out, sometimes I wish I just had someone I could fall back on no matter what time of day/night I needed them. Don't get me wrong, I like being the most independent person in the world, but sometimes I just want to close my eyes and be a big fucking baby and let someone else grab my responsibility.
Tomorrow I begin the first work on my half sleave, I'm so sorry mom, you'll never understand but it's gonna be beautiful. So excited. I'm really happy lately, I think it's because when I caught up with kevin on the phone the other day, we talked for almost two hours, and I realized that I don't need to hold onto things, they stay if they're supposed to, and him and I both agreed that pretty much no one knows us inside and out like we do for eachother, so we gotta hold onto that...also, right now I'm just supposed to be focusing on my friends and getting that 4.0 GPA because that's how I do.
My dad texted me today and said "I get my license back june 2nd" which is my sister's birthday. I will never get into a car with him, I kinda miss the way he'd hug me and lift me up mad high and we'd start to laugh at exactly the same time, we have the smile (crescent moon eyes, as kevin would always say), it makes me laugh still to this day to eat next to him because we have the same exact mannerisms. He's got alot to prove now, but the mystery of his life is still be super fascinating to me.
I'm so connected to him it makes me sick usually, such weird coincidences, like even the fact that he's allowed to drive again on my little sister's birthday? like okay, thanks higher power, you always make me laugh dont you....
haha. every boy is honestly unnattractive, lame, boring, immature, and just plain corny to me anymore. like it's seriously laughable how stupid the shit that comes out of their mouths is and 99% of the time their style is wack. that's it for today.
I had a dream that i went to jail. It was really intense and my cell mate was this horrible girl that would smoke cigarrettes on the toilet? I never left my cell because I was scared and then one day my dad bailed me out, and when I got in his car he said he was taking me on a road trip to finally tell me about his life and about the things that happened between us.
I never thought I would say this, but maybe that's just what i've needed all along. Long overdue.
I'm pretty sure I only talk to about 3 people anymore. Sometimes I get really restrictive of myself if I feel out of control in certain aspects of my life, what i do with people is like what an anorexic would do with food.
anywayz. fuck midterms. i studied yesterday for 4 consecutive hours for my Sexuality final, me and kathleen couldnt even form sentences after such a cram session. I just made Granola Pancakes so that's all that matters.