I've turned into a workaholic. If theres any point in my day that I'm not obsessing over standardize tests, grad applications, deadlines, or essay writing I feel GUILTY. I feel like I'm wasting precious time if I'm laying on the couch. When I even eat my one meal of the day I find myself thinking "I could be reading something right now or looking at my flashcards" I hate the idea that I have no idea if all of this is in vein. I might apply to 7 schools, pay $100 dollars for each application, then gradually recieve 7 rejection letters. In other news. I've been paying so much attention to my health. I RARELY smoke if it all and have stopped drinking, I've also been getting 8 hours of solid sleep a night. I was told I look and sound refreshed, I'm glad for that at least.
My birthday weekend, I'm happy to say will consist of going to see "Where the Wild Things Are" with John in Manhattan on Friday, hopefully some sort of breakfast Saturday, Partyin' saturday night, and on Sunday just the thought of sleeping in is enough celebration for me. Last night John and I talked on the phone all the way on his trip back to Philly from WB (he always falls sleepy when he drives it's so scary) and even after another consecutive 12 hour day of working/lab work, he makes me laugh so hard I cannot wait to see him this weekend. I'd usually get pretty annoyed if a boy were to tell me that I was a "poof head" in the morning because my hair is a mess but with him I just burst out laughing.
I may complain that I'm busy and stressed but I'm grateful for the motivation and work ethic, I'm glad I haven't let myself down on this one. I'm not usually one to give up on things that I want for myself, I considered for a second that maybe I wasn't ready for all of this, then I talked to my professors who are writing me recommendations and they all said that its obvious my entire life revolves around my area of study, and that they wouldn't expect anything less than for me to apply to the top programs, at the top schools. We'll see. Like always, making things happen for myself, is what makes me happiest in life. The satisfaction of being totally self reliant is what fuels 75% of my happiness, and I am happy, the other 25% is fueled by the people in my life that have integrity and have proven to me they won't change on a dime.
I want Lindsey to be able to come for my birthday weekend also. I miss so many people. Time is really flying, isn't it?
Also, I miss reading for fun.
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
Things keeping me alive lately:
Folders, tons of them
The professional massage I bought myself months ago for Dec. 2nd (the day i'm done applying)
Cocoa Butter chapstick
Hot tea, cold tea, bran muffins from work.
Reading the Newspaper everyday
Conversations with my little sister
John's picture text of him sleeping on the couch with his sister's pup.
Songs that have been on repeat:
Bird In Hand - Owen
Clark Gable - Postal Service
Sleepyhead - Alkaline Trio
Queen of Ny - Remy Ma
Red and Blue Jeans - Promise Ring
Check up on it - Beyonce, Sliim Thug, Bun B
Smile On Me - American Steel
Three Miles Down - Saves the Day
At the Bottom - Brand New
Play Crack the Sky - Brand New
Straight to Hell (clash cover)- Lily Allen
Who'd Have Known? - Lily Allen
You and Me - Her Space Holiday
Nobody's Nothing - Owen