Sunday, August 3, 2008
i would die for you
My mom and sister came to visit. We three women have dealt with some heavy bullshit in our last 20 years together. My favorite thing about my mother is that she has an ability to get fucked over by someone, move on, and then look at them again with such purity and forgiveness. I think since she always had that while I was growing up I took the opposite road. I am in a rut, yes, but when my mother touches my face, or pinches my tattoos in disdain, or when she notices new freckles on my arms, I cannot help but think everything will be fine. When things were bad in the past she would just look at me while we were sitting in another shitty situation, smile, and say "I know this will be okay", and it always was because we were usually laughing. "oh hahah I guess it can get worse.." Even when we didn't even have a house for a small part of my life. I'd never trade sharing a bed with her and my baby sister in my aunts attic for anything, even though it was 107 degrees that horrible summer, and we had nothing.
My dad can't pay his phone bill this month. Guess who will? Probably me.
Alright, enough of that. I have been smoking WAY too much lately. I'm listening to Trash Talk non-stop and none of my clothes fit me the right way. All I want are popcicles and swimming. and pancakes.
ask Him if He wants me to come home
If He says He's seen me changing all our plans to suit my own
Will you apologize or stand behind the selfish moves we've made
While learning life is strange and people change and circle round again
i saw a woman spank a baby today. it made me sick.