so fucking bad, it's funny.

"Kill all Fags"

So this past week proved to be hilerious. actually all of July was like one huge fucking joke. went to philly, super excited to leave NY, not talk to my family, and not deal with bills, thoughts of the future, or cleaning up my father's messes. I guess when you TRY to avoid the bad, it follows you.

I get to PHiladelphia, meet up with lily, and after some good breakfasts, went on a super rainy bike ride, then we left for Richmond, Virginia. Our bus made us transfer in Washington, DC which is the worst place i've ever been in my entire life. My good friend bobby was chilling with a girl so i told him we were only stuck there for a few hours and I'd just see him another time. Lily ate the shittiest burrito ever and we sat on the ground and i chainsmoked and we made fun of every yuppie couple that walked by. We climb aboard another fucking bus and I had to stop Lily from killing a baby

Finally, we get to Richmond.

Richmond:

-made me realize I never want to live in a small town that's called "a city" ever again

-the southern accents were subtle and cute

-I ate so many pancakes with nachos and It's the best combo ever

-The James river is serisuly wonderful and even though I only swam in it once, it was a cool fucking spot.

We pulled into this place, met up with the boys we would be staying with. ....

EPIPHANY::: Boys from the ages of 17-19 are only good when they aren't together. It was really good for me to be around them because it made me so thankful that I grew out of the stage of constantly needing negative attention. It gets hard to be around people when so much of their persona is an act. Things progressively went down hill, until so bad that me and lily would get in these laughing phases where it was SO BAD we'd just laugh. When it was at it's worst, I got a call from my exboyfriend while he was on tour, it was perfect timing, he has been my best friend for almost 6 years, It's nice when the people that know you best have a spidey sense of when you need to hear something good. We had a nice phone chat while I was in a fucking rage about the events of the weekend. So nice to hear his voice, so nice to talk to someone that barely needs to hear me speak to know when somethign is wrong.

I realized that lately I'm looking for good things in all the wrong places.

When things go bad in most girls lives they dye their hair or go shopping, I get tattoos. I got TWO while in Richmond.

I'm so thankful that I went through this weekend with Lily, I do not know what I would have done. Richmond is such a charming place, I met a few wonderful kids, but I am seriously depressed. On the 2 buses, one car, and like 5 subways it took to get me back to Brooklyn, NY, I had to hold back actually crying a few times (i'm not big on crying), maybe it was the new conor oberst I stole from Lily's Itunes, or the live version of "sorry about that" I was listening to over and over, but I seriously feel empty and I don't like it. July was a nightmare. I haven't spoken to my father since the fourth, I've been wasting money, and worst of all I've been way too trusting of new people.

I got to clear my had at least while in RVA, I didn't use my phone much, didn't really speak to anyone much. I'm kind of stuck. I like my future but I feel like I'm getting to much shit that I do not deserve lately. I hate this age, I hate this month.

But august is my favorite month of the year, and every year in august the best shit happens. EVERYTHING happens in august, everything you should have been doing all summer comes up then. Can't wait to meet you August. Please be good to me.

don't forget to let your life rot you inside-out.

Ps. Revenge is so wonderful.