kiss her on the teeth

Love.


I thought that this was honestly the only emotion I was ever sure I'd felt. Blh blah blah it's confusing. But honestly after about 7 years of dating/loving/hating I've come up with this...

Love:

love is when I look at your horoscope every day before i read mine just to see what your day might be like, so i feel like I might know even a snippet of your life.



I've come to the conclusion that I won't be dating anyone legit for awhile. Everyone is a waste of time and quite frankly, I'm not even in the shape to be totally open/energetic/accepting of another person to be meeting people. Not like I meet people worth my time anyways. I just feel like this past year gave a big "fuck you" to my view of love and dating. so fuck that. its weird to look at people that you've been so fucking next level intimate with (i'm not talking about sex) and waving hello is just enough. or seeing they're new shitty look isnt working for them haha, or seeing them touch another girl, or having them touch you. It's all weird. I wasn't taught how to deal with it well. I was basically raised in a house of women. When I lived with my dad I'd sleep with his clothes to feel safe because he was always gone in the middle of the night. Now that I'm not 8 and can't sneak into his closet and steal his tshirts to lay with, what do I use to feel safe? Now it's mostly nothing, some friends, an unstable outlook for the future? It'll happen, it'll come together. I'm a pretty miserable person, but nothing has ever EVER taken away my hope for things to be better. If i lost that I'd honestly finish myself off


moving on...

Spring is coming. that means stressful tests, moving, having no money, wanting tons of clothes, and riding bikes.