Monday, February 2, 2009

It's so easy baby

Loner lifestyle.

This post will be about NYC.

I think sometimes people question the effortlessness of my major move from the only place I've ever been to the most populated city in America. I moved to New York City when I was eighteen. I've lived here for almost 3 years and It was hands down the best decision of my life. Why was it so easy? Because I wanted a new family a new home and to feel small. Feeling small was a very big part of it. I like that here, and only here, I can disappear and mean nothing, to no one. Do you know how much of a relief that is? It's changed me in many ways. Sometimes when I go back to wb I do things because I'm so used to living in a place where no one cares about anything especially about what I say and do and look like. I shouldn't give people dirty looks whenever I feel like it and I shouldnt just yell at whoever. ha. Okay so back to the point...New York seriously saved me. I can't believe I considdred living in Philadelphia, besides the fact that it's the #1 WB drop off point of every kid my age, I couldnt live there because my ex boyfriend of years moved there. My life would be very different today If i moved there essentially with him. I'm glad I didn't, I'd probably be the same dependent girl, lacking in self validation totally and really fucking unhappy. I like saying "yes, I DID THIS" I became totally self sufficient, I've me the most ridiculous people and have really struggled alot. Nothign is shocking to me anymore, I've seen people virtually dying on the street, extreme homelessness, random acts of violence, sexual assault, the relationships of people of EVERY ethnicity play out in front of me, and it's been quite a trip. I will live here for easily 10 years and can't imagine anywhere else being worth my time. My days consist of mostly me going to and from places alone, listening to my IPOD. Having a staring war or smiling at a little boy on the train for 20 minutes when he and I can't even speak eachother's languages is the shit I live for. I feel like I belong here more than anywhere else. Also, where else can I walk down the street in a full winter jacket, scarf, hat and have only my eyes peaking out because of the wind and have a man look at me and say "You're fucking beautiful" hahhahahahhaha.

So the answer is no, I will never look back, I will never move back,and yes, when you want something bad enough anything is possible. ANYTHING. If i lost my job tomorrow and was faced with the option of moving home, it would never I MEAN NEVER happen, I'd live in a box and drink my own urine if it meant living in an environment that makes me totally happpy and satisfied.

I know it's weird I just up and moved, especially when I've never even been on a plane or spent the night in another state than PA my whole childhood. I'm independent minded, always have been, leaving isnt hard when you are walking towards so much good.

ignore the video. listen to this blink cover, by my man dan from alk3.

i'm kickkkkkkkking fiercely at the world around meeeeeeeeeeeeee


danielle said...

you got it madeeeeeeeeeeee.

John Cruz said...

that pickcha