i hate that I cannot control certain things and I wish I could just make you be better but you never will be and you dont even understand how I think about the things you've said to me over and over and how much i obsess over what you don't say. you still don't know why I got that number tattooed on my ribs and you will never fathom what it means to me and you still refuse to acknowledge the worst day of my life. I wonder who never acknowledged yours. and if you're still mad at them like I'm mad at you. You were the last good thing I ever saw and after that day everything was gone and you ruined me. Sometimes I think I feel better but sometimes I feel like I'm seven years old again and still looking you in the eye waiting and waiting for you to tell me all the things you should have said, but almost 14 years later I still find myself saying it over and over to myself so I can be a normal human being instead of any angry little girl sitting in a car shivering.