things change on a dime

Let's talk about...

MY BROTHER.

he rules..
+ he always fucks up the name of whatever boy i'm dating at the time. it's fucking hilerious.
+ he texts me about food all the time and it's our number 1 bond.
+ he exposed me to crazy amounts of NAS at an early age, along with mariah, beavis and butthead, macguiver, Zorro, and DMX.
+ He took me and my sister out for dinner at OLD COUNTRY BUFFET.

Let's talk about...

RAIN

+ it 99% of the time sucks.
+ It makes me feet smell much worse than usual and New York sucks because everything I do is 45 blocks from the train so my clothes end up getting soaked and I get to work smolling like a wet dog
+Umbrellas are ALWAYS annoying and no human can walk correctly with one.

Let's talk about...

BEING SAD

+It sucks alot.
+I used to have the ability not to care about anyone, I re-taught myself this ability, now I deeply regret it.
+ almost everyone is selfish

Let's talk about...

DOGS

+THEYYYYY FUCKKKINNNNNNNG RULE

don't forget to be kind to me

I don't think I ask much from people
I don't think sitting in the living room with Kathleen and Kim will ever get old
I don't think it's going to be a very warn winter
I don't think I'm done getting tattooed
I don't think I understand much of anything except for the people that I'm sure of in my life.

2 SONGS IM OBSESSED WITH AS OF LATE.

You remind me of a firework, boy
You touch the ceiling, you touch the floor
You sparkle and burn but you take your time

And i bet i could carry you across state lines
I'd tell you why, but i don't know
It's simple and so complicated
I could walk all day on the railroad track

But there's much more to it than that
You know all of my secret ideas
The ones i'm giving up on and the ones i'll keep
And everybody sees a funny look in our eyes'
Cause we know that we already won the sweepstakes prize




and.... DUH.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I SPEND SOME ALONE TIME WITH THIS PHOTO.

JESUS GOD JESUS FUCK

After Hours

Time to talk about the happy:

I'm being very productive as of lately.

I have a plan, a real plan.

I only like being in my apartment in my living room with my roomates or in Philly, that's pretty much it lately.

It's fall.

My birthday is in a month

Matt gave me a copy of DeathProof

Jeru the Damaja rulez

Lindsey came to the city and I walked around Central Park West with her and her Ahtropology class.

Not so happy:

My apartment has cockroaches.

I hate $

Today is the anniversary of the day Kevin and I met, 6 years ago.

The desire to skip class is overwhelming lately.

There aren't enough hours in the day.

I have my fucking period.

I smoke too much.

The DMV can suck fifty dicks.

I'm pretty sure the world is ending.

i hate that I cannot control certain things and I wish I could just make you be better but you never will be and you dont even understand how I think about the things you've said to me over and over and how much i obsess over what you don't say. you still don't know why I got that number tattooed on my ribs and you will never fathom what it means to me and you still refuse to acknowledge the worst day of my life. I wonder who never acknowledged yours. and if you're still mad at them like I'm mad at you. You were the last good thing I ever saw and after that day everything was gone and you ruined me. Sometimes I think I feel better but sometimes I feel like I'm seven years old again and still looking you in the eye waiting and waiting for you to tell me all the things you should have said, but almost 14 years later I still find myself saying it over and over to myself so I can be a normal human being instead of any angry little girl sitting in a car shivering.

Sleepyhead

All of my vactions to see Matt, Lily, Rashi, and Davey are the absolute best.

Guess who's Psychology professor chose her to be on her grant funded research team out of everyone in the whole entire calss. ME. AND IT'S PAID. IT RESEARCHES TERRORISM/VIOLENCE PSYCHOLOGY STUFF LIFE RULES AND IT'S GETTING PUBLISHED AND I'M NOT EVEN A SENIOR YET AND I'VE BEEN CHOSEN TO WORK ON A REAL RESEARCH STAFF.
i'm so happy. I almost cried right in her office. Honestly.She mentioned wanting me but I didn't think she was serious and I didn't think it was paid and REAL. On the way to philly I had to go to her office to get the details. HO MY GOD.

I have so much to do lately. Besides the god awful amounts of school work I need to also get my NY ID for my 21st birthday and go to the doctors to get my heart checked since I haven't in way too long and I gotta research the GRE'S and figure out when I'm gonna take them and apply to graduate schools. I'm a real grownup soon and it is so freaky.

Me and Matt filled up the big claw bathtub and put on bathingsuits and went swimming in it in the middle of the day. It was so funny. day baths and alkaline trio playing and bubbles everywhere.

I heard everybody's voice cut out when you spokeAnd I watched all the lights go dim when your eyes opened Well I can't believe you showed up, what do I do now? It's last call, time to go. But before we say goodnight. Let's walk home, let's be afraid. I wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard. Let's do it right under the streetlight. I want it now, somehow I forgot how

"my therapist says one of my coping mechanisms is to always be thinking of the way out. Like this hotel, I'v memorized all the exits"

before I die

What do you want to do before you die?

Right now, for me, it'd be to change the prison system for the better, leave behind some awesome kids, honor my mother, marry a man who loves me unconditionally, end poverty, have sex in public more, and to learn to let go.

http://beforeidieiwantto.org/
http://beforeidieiwantto.org/
http://beforeidieiwantto.org/
http://beforeidieiwantto.org/

This website is pretty cool
here are some of my faves...

Matt came to Brooklyn this weekend.
My room turned into a camp where we hung out. Millions of drinks and backpacks covering the floor of my room.
We got caught in the rain twice, dried our clothes with my little fan.
Watched movies and made supper and were lazy.





Today at school I scanned some items in my purse that currently sum up my life.
I know, it's sorta depressing, but colorful right? hahah.
Ticket to house bunny that I went to see with Lily in Manhattan, too many cigs, sweet mint gum, and being on subways hours every day to get from work -school-home-.

I'm tired and happy. Twenty finally felt good, now in about a month I turn 21.


i keep seeing cardinals everywhere.

then turn the light on.

Things I like:
Smart People (not the movie)
Texting during school
Mexican Food
Pancakes
Consistency
Cardinals
falling asleep listening to all of "Pygmalion" by Slowdive, specifically the song "rutti"
Papayas
When people call me by a nickname
Listening to the same song over and over
Darjeeling Tea, black. or when I mix it with honeybush tea.

Things I do not like:
Paying my bills late
$400 electric bills (means I just have to yell at some mother fucker at con ed)
Introducing myself as "Junior, Psych major"
Having a stuffy nose
When my professors call me "Nicole"
cuts on my feet
Alkaline Trio tickets costing 35 bucks
Drinking whiskey and it reminding me of senior year of highschool

watch me hurt, cast me out, don't speak my name.

i'll know how much you know
i'll know how much you're mine
the simplest things
become so hard
a nervous wreck
beside your arms
anywhere is fine with me

I was wrong when I said things never work out right.

For the first time in about 3 years, I can say that I don't want summer to end.
This summer I got 5 new tattoos.
Today I saw my dad for like the first time when there wasn't 4 inches of glass inbetween us and he wasn't wearing an orange jumpsuit. For the first time ever, he looked old to me.
Im now microwaving old pancakes my mom made, so fucking good.
Everything does happen in August.