Sunday, December 7, 2008


this entry is going to be very "random", even though I hate that fucking word.


a few things:

-People who walk slowly down the middle of the stairs should suck a dick

-I really realy really fucking hate when guys who can't commit to me get jealous when they see me with another guy. I'm really sorry but I don't fucking get it and usually when I get pissed when a dude i like is with another girl I ask the dude to be my boyfriend. Please don't make a small scene while I'm AROUND the new guy and make me feel GUILTY...AS IF I DID SOMETHIGN WRONG.

-Kathleen wants to make a day when only people that LIVE in NYC can be in the city, no tourists allowed day. It'd be amazing.

- We sorta pretended to be tourists and went to see the giant christmas tree in midtown. It was really exciting a bit then we were mauled by like 4 year olds with balloons and strollers and crazy moms.

- On friday I have to get 3 heart tests, one being a bubble test where they inject a bubble into my blood stream and follow it to see if it comes out of the hole in my heart. WOO, i hope somethign goes wrong and I die. My cardiologist saw I was paying out of pocket for these tests and decided to wave the whole feee stating, "You're a kid, you're a mess, look at you, I'm not taking your money" chris says he's just trying to "pipe it" with me. SOME PEOPLE ARE NICE THOUGH.

- I'm trying to like Christmas and not be a total grinch like I normally am. I think I hate christmas because my father's birthday is christmas morning and I just associate it with him more than like holiday festivity shit.

- I'm sorta seeing a boy.. Lily thinks he looks like emile hirsch and kathleen thinks he looks like jake gyllenhall and kim said "he's the hottest dude i've ever seen". it's intimidating, I've never walked down the street with a boy and had girls check him out left and right. He told me he's taking me to a really good pancake place soon. I'm nervous to have sex/be committed and for the first time in my life I think I perfer being alone. It's so much stress to have to call peopl when you say and like semi care what I look like and wonder what someone else is thinking. getting to know someone is sorta rough because i am usually miserable right now.

- I love my friends. Lily visiting for 12 hours, Kathleen being perfect all of the time, Lindseys texts, sagen's work antics...

- My hair is getting super long. I'm liking it more and more, thought about cutting it off but decided no.

- I could eat san loco macho nachos with a lime margarita every day for the rest of my life/eternity.

- Futon's are a really big symbol in my life, ask me one day.

- I'm pretty sure that it's nearly impossible to be Kevin's friend right now. He's just not the guy he was for the last 6 years I've known him and I refuse to accept anything less. I realize that i miss him and when i talk to him that missing feeling doesnt go away because we don't share a head like we used to. In certain ways and certain times I totally see it, when I look at him and we can seriously talk without sayign a word but lately I just see him and I see this like serious ghost of what used to be my favorite human being in the world. Such a bummer.

- A woman at the martz ticket station asked me if I was 16 because that's how old you have to be to ride alone. i just said "are you serious?", she totally was.

- I've never missed the summer so much in my life

- I feel like things are going to start changing soon, I dont know if for better or for worse.

- I want to visit lindsey in upstate ny over break, and bobby in D.C.

- Attntion NYC: get more diners, let me smoke cigs inside, stop having terrorism alerts, be warmer, coney island I want you now, Columbia accept me for graduate psych prgram, WINE.

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