long walk

even his sneezes are better than anyone elses kisses

"Evidence Of"

Evidence Of a Long Day

you go to work in the morning
with only
construction workers
and absence of a sun
rise

at the end of
the day
there is no "rush-hour"
there is space to sit on the train
since
it's late
and everyone is already home






The first day off that it is somewhat warm I'm going to spend the whole day saying goodbye to Coney Island.

Why couldn't I be the kind of person who stays?

Making a list of things to do before I leave NYC
Listneing to Sam Cooke all day
I think I'm getting sick
Alkaline trio played for an hour and a half. they played 97', Fuck you Aurora, and Mr. Chainsaw. Finally seeing those songs live was amazing.
I decided that when I move at the end of May I'm going to throw out bags and bags of things. I dont really have much to say I guess. Erica got her bon voyage package. I put a friendship bracelet in, its cotton, so everytime a take a shower it takes a little longer to dry than the rest of me and when i feel a thin wet piece of cloth around my wrist I think of her.








When I am with you I forget about everything.

In memorial to the worst day of my life.

wide eyed. knee deep in surprise. just below your thighs the temperature drops 5 degrees. your stand-by flight has just arrived. tongue-tied, bleeding from your eyes. even Christ himself would cringe at the sight of your scars. while you're counting sheep, i'll count my lucky stars. you were the last good thing i ever saw. i lost it all. i lost it all. burned out on 2 hours of shut-eye. eyes glazed at the thought of the next 8 hours. headwind, cold rain to wake me. you were the last good thing i ever saw.

Pinwheel

It is only Monday and this is already the best week ever, just booked tickets at a hotel/casino on the boardwalk of Atlantic City for spring break with my girlfriends, was accepted to a Doctoral program at a graduate school and offered a residency at a mental health clinic starting in August (that's 20 people from 500 applicants chosen!!!!), and in three days I get to see my favorite band of all time for the 6th time.

um. hi everything is perfect. I'm gonna have the most ridiculous bedazzled club dress and eat at a seafood buffet and drink mimosas. Pre-doctor in training vacay. Five years of my life planned out. Moving to Philly in May. more later......

Fade into you, strange you never knew.

close upz

smushy

made of forks

one of my fave pieces in the shows.

limos.

eating a sammich

This past weekend was all this art festival business so John came to NYC and since all I do in this city is sleep, work, and go to school, it was cool to go out and actually spend time soaking up all the cool things New York has to offer (I actually got semi lost in midtown for a bit). We went to this fancy place to eat where they have caviar and expensive olives and tried thirty thousand things from the menue with a few of John's friends and went out with greg afterwards and drank and ate free pizza late at night. I bought two things for Erica's bonvoyage package, I hope she likes them.

I've been thinking alot about intimacy lately. I always grew up thinking it was cuddling, and sharing secrets and intense eye contact. For now I'm learning that those things are all wonderful and crucial but when I think of the most intimate situation I've been in, it was probably when I first started seeing John and we'd only kissed a few times yet....but he noticed I had a hole in my cotton sundress...so he sat on his bed and threaded a needle and slowly, carefully, and gently (not to poke me with it), I layed on his bed and he held my hip still as he sewed the hole shut while the dress was still on my body. Him talking to me and fixing something so simple and touching me so newly was so loving. It's strange how you learn from and about people. I never let people just take care of something for me, I like to always be the one "doing" but in that moment specifically, it was nice to sit back and watch the act of someone caring about you.

I don't want to do school work.

I paid my taxes.

At least it was sunny

I drank the best lemonade I ever tasted ever also.

Today I wore shoes without socks for the first time since the fall and my whole ankle started bleeding from blisters. John gave me his socks for the walk home. That was relief

born from the the dirt

Loose braids, messy ties. Her hair flows over sheets, she rises slowly and stretches. We crawl into the plum tree and through the mountains, searching for antlers, guided by snow and tracks and moss and neon orange mushrooms . She's covered in furs. I watch smoke pour out of a trash barrel, we shoot at paper men. The wolves are my goodbye, skeleton tights. His head is on my lap, two cats as we pet, pale and paler. Close the curtains, he traces my spine and then he's back on that plane. I say, "I'll wait until you come and get me" and I just might mean it. I wish they were mine but for now here are useless words for the ones I love.
I'll take them all.

I've been reading alot of little tidbits of different kinds of writing recently.

I'm craving a box of junior mints. The next four weekends are intensely planned. A vacation is in the works for me, Kathleen, and Kimmy, before we all move away. We've lived together for so many years and I think it krept up on us that we won't be this way anymore, ever again. Over the summer, if I don't find a summer job in Philadelphia I've designed a new writing project. I've wanted to do a whole collection of poems with a theme since I read Kenneth Kochs' book about addresses, that's not the home address, but like speaking to something sort of address. It'll be cool, I really like my idea and have thought of about 5 different poem ideas already pertaining to this theme. It's just something to do to not let my brain get rusty before I start graduate school (if I get in). Also, I'll be in an unfamiliar place so doing that and feeling productive when I won't have school, and probably won't be working, is crucial for my sanity.

This weekend John is coming to NYC, he has a trip for work to some art festival and I'm gonna wear something pretty when we use the V.I.P. passes he has for some openings on Thursday night. He always looks so polished and sometimes when I do things like this by his side I like to look just as put together, its fun to get fancy.